More Bling For Me

            For my birthday, Kayla made me a wallet out of duct tape.  So I watched her move all my cards, coins, and dollar bills out of my sophisticated, sleek Louis Vuitton wallet and into a new hot pink duct tape wallet, which would have been completely rockin’ in I were still in seventh grade. 

            Even though we are all smiles and “happy birthday”s, I have this paranoid feeling that I’m getting played and that someone is laughing at me.  I’m not exactly sure who is sacrificing more- my daughter or me.

            I’m not sure why I’m the parent who ends up getting suckered into using all these kiddie crafts.  My husband only wore his puffy paint tee shirt made by our daughter once- and that was to the Daddy Preschool Day when all the other Dads were wearing their kids’ puffy paint tee shirts.  Doesn’t count. 

            And when my daughter begged him to wear his puffy paint tee shirt another time out in public, he looked into her eager, pleading face and said:

            “No.”

            That’s it.  No guilt trip.  No wondering if he would cost her hours of therapy. 

            And when she sweetly begged him to paint his toenails-other dads let their daughters- he looked again at her with a straight face and said the same thing:

            “No.”

            I, on the other hand, have lanyards on my keychain, plastic bead crafts on my purse zippers, plastic bead crafts for my fashion accessories, and enough pictures hung on the fridge to make it fall over.  I even wear my son's sports picture button proudly on my lapel during his games, and I wore it proudly to a public restaurant too- until my son told me that I was embarrassing him.

            It’s unfortunate that I can’t convince my husband that in heaven, there’s a counter in heaven where they give parents more heavenly jewels for wearing kiddie crafts.  Cause at this counter, he’d get coal, while I’m going to get blinged out.

            I’m not sure if they allow smirking in heaven, but if so, after I get ten of the blingiest blingy bling for my hot pink duct tape wallet, I’ll be giving my husband one long smirk.  After I get my bling, I’m also going to figure out how to angle them to make those reflection light beams and zing him in the eye.  That’s probably why God is going to tell the bling angel not to give me any more bling.

            So I’m using my hot pink duct tape wallet, knowing fully that I’m going to get carded three times as much- since no one will believe that a woman who owns a duct tape wallet can also own a credit card.  Though the bling in heaven would be nice, I’m doing it because even though my daughter doesn’t see me about 95% of the time I use it, she does sees me the other 5% of the time.  Within in the small glimpses of Mommy pulling out her big important credit cards out of her hot pink duct tape wallet, my little girl knows that in a flash, I’d throw out my LV for my KS.

            Plus, it'll fall apart soon anyway, won't it?

            Won't it?